Wednesday, August 30, 2006



I haven't had much sleep..... my mind is so restless. But I....... just don't feel like doing a whole lot. I just can't stop thinking of....... stuff.

I did manage to do some changes to my blog. I cleaned up the links and redid the template. But that's about all. I hope you like it.

I think I'm going to go lay back down in bed.....

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

All Alone.

After staying in the medic center for over a week, Noel was able to leave. As she walks out, Holg her personal Droid greets her. "It is so nice to see that you are finally better."

Noel just nods and continues walking down the long hall.

"I found out that some of the crew were going to throw you a welcome back party. But I had them cancel it. I told them you may not be in the mood to party."

Noel nods again. "Thank you Holg. I also don't want any calls from anyone until I say other wise. But I do want you to get the ship in order for the re-opening."

"Me?" Asks Holg

Noel stops in front of her apartment door. She turns and looks at him, placing her hand on his shoulder she says. "I have heard of all the work you done with the repairs, and with organizing the search and rescue. You never gave up looking for me. I think you can handle this job." She turn and punches in the code to her door. As she walks in she looks back at him and says. "As for me, I just want to be alone for a few days. Okay!"

Holg nodded and says, "I won't disappoint you."

She gives him a sad smile and says, "I know you won't." And she closes the door.

Once in the room she looks around. It is still the same. But she don't really care at this moment. All she wants to do is lay down in her own bed. It has been a very long time since she had a been charged up. And maybe a full body charge will make her feel better.

She gets to the bed and turns on a switch. The bed comes alive and starts to hum. She slips her shoes off, pulls back the covers, and climbs in. She is comforted a bit by the familular hum of the bed. She feels tired and closes her eyes, but her mind is restless. She lets the memories of the past week float through her thoughts.

Bit and pieces of the first couple days in the medic center enter her mind. She recalls being in a bacta tank to heal her wounds. The medics told her later that she was touch and go the first couple days. And that she was severally malnourished and dehydrated. She also found out that the medics could do nothing for the scaring she had got from the fire and the beatings she took. It would be a constant reminder of what she had gone through.

Noel sighed as she touched the scar on her shoulder. As she had seen in a mirror this scar covered most of her back. The good thing is that most of it is already being cover by fur, but she will always have a few bald patches on her lower back and stomach.

She then starts to think of Zebb. She lets her mind reenact their last few minutes together. She remembers holding him in her arms. He was gasping for breath. She scanned his body to see how serious the wound was. She can see massive internal bleeding, organs are ripped apart. He was too wounded for her to save. So she decided to join minds with him. While joined she tells him she is unable to save him, and he knows. He tells her how much he loves her, and that she must go on with out him. He assures her that she will be fine. They then hold each other close. Finally after what seemed like hours, he tells her good bye and disappears from her mind.

Tears enter Noels eyes. She rolls over on her side and curls up into the fetal position. As she lays there she thinks *Will I ever be loved like that again.*

After crying alone in her bed for over an hour she finally falls into a deep and dreamless sleep.